It's simple; don't overthink it.
"We can watch what happens when the girl under the bleachers puts down the blade. Suffering is interesting but so is getting better. The aftermath of wounds - the strain and struggle of stitching the skin, the stride of silver bones - contours women alongside the wounds themselves." -Leslie Jamison, "The Empathy Exams"
Getting Better is Interesting Too
Naturally I have compassion for drunk people, but the limits are hazy and sometimes I just can’t handle belligerence. Is it hypocritical to judge someone who is wasted and acting inappropriately? Is it unfair for me to look down on this person who is just like how I was less than five years ago? In moments like these, when confronted with someone drunk, I try to be patient, loving and kind… to others as well as to myself. If anything it’s a reminder of where I don’t want to get back to and I feel grateful for my sobriety.
Your life is your life
don’t let it be clubbed into dank submission.
be on the watch.
there are ways out.
there is light somewhere.
it may not be much light but
it beats the darkness.
be on the watch.
the gods will offer you chances.
you can’t beat death but
you can beat death in life, sometimes.
and the more often you learn to do it,
the more light there will be.
your life is your life.
know it while you have it.
you are marvelous
the gods wait to delight
The Laughing Heart
Though my reality continues to get better and better, I still indulge my fantasy life way too often. A bit of dreaming is good, essential even, but when you find yourself spending most of your day imagining another life - one where you two are together, for instance - you rob yourself the gift of being present and enjoying what’s right in front of you. Hope is a good thing, dreams are lovely, but be wary of living in fantasy because regardless of how realistic your musings are, they have a ridiculous power and ability to consume. Why not aim for making your life a dream come true? I’ll try it if you will?
Note: when switching back into reality mode, do so gently. We’re working with fragile equipment.
For a long time after I got sober I was worried about never having fun again. My idea of fun was still wrapped up in teenage fantasies and druggy dreams where everything glitters and champagne flows and hangovers, well they never happen. I forgot that the last few years of my using were mostly terrible: I didn’t have fun, I got wasted to try to feel or not feel and all the while I just sank deeper into the darkness of my addiction.
Fun isn’t one perfectly filtered Instagram photo of girls posing with bottles at a party on a boat or big smiles through a cloud of smoke in a crowded room, it’s not one moment or one thing, it’s whatever it is to you.
Fun changes when you get sober, it doesn’t disappear! Everything changes, most things for the better. Fun for me now is being with friends (like it was before, I think) but it’s remembering the jokes and enjoying the moments, it’s being present and comfortable and truly myself. Letting loose. Sober.
The After Party
(Source: blowyourmindwithwhys, via nostalgicabe)
"In the midst of hate, I found there was, within me, an invincible love.
In the midst of tears, I found there was, within me, an invincible smile.
In the midst of chaos, I found there was, within me, an invincible calm.
I realized, through it all, that
In the middle of winter, I finally found that within me there lies an invincible summer."
- Albert Camus (via ii-sm)
(Source: stxxz.us, via reachingforrecovery)